Cryogenics & Kinetic Energy
by SnowbarryFamily
Summary: Snowbarry One-Shots
1. Bringing her Home

AU Prompt: Caitlin loses control.  
[Eventual Snowbarry]

* * *

Clouds measured the city in a thick, blanketed fog. Rain biting at the pavement as thunder rolled over head. The dimly lit street lights and chains of lightning were nothing in comparison to how the road seemed to drown beneath the stark night sky.

The day had begun like any other. Her morning routine which consisted of grabbing a _'Flash'_ at Jitters, even though she knew HR would have a tray of specially brewed drinks waiting for them back at S.T.A.R. Labs, and chatting with Iris while she rang up her order, only to repeatedly keep checking her watch to make sure she was still running on schedule.

Caitlin Snow was _never_ late.

 _Everyone_ could attest to that. Even _when_ Cisco made it his job to catch the incredulous young doctor stray just an inch from her precise routine. But today, just like any ordinary day, the young doctor came strutting through the elevator doors with a grin on her face. As if to tease Cisco as he passed Barry yet another twenty dollar bill.

Despite his extrordinary powers he could use to vibe into and forsee the future, he still decided to waste his money on the fastest man alive. Although, Barry wasn't opposed, because it just meant every day he could eat out at big belly burger without having to spare his wallet the misfortune of losing its kings and queens.

Cisco may be smart, may have worked for the prestigeous _Dr. Harrison Wells_ , at the previously world renound _S.T.A.R. Labs_ , but he was a fool to think that _Dr. Caitlin Snow_ would ever deter from her picture perfect schedule. Heck, she practically never even went home on time either. Always staying after work well past the hours of closure. _A scientist's work is never done,_ she'd always say.

"If my math is correct, now, that's $1,320?" She smirked, disposing of her empty coffee cup in the nearest trash can.

Taking a seat by his computer, he quipped, "You know what, Caitlin. One of these days I'm going to be right, and when that day comes, Barry's going to owe me that super sonic trip around central city. I can feel it."

"After all this time, that's what you two agreed on? Aren't you a little too heavy for Barry to be speeding around city? Not to be mean, but, speaking as his personal physician I do believe your body weight exceeds his physical capabilities-"

Cisco was taken aback, repeating the words, _"Speaking as his personal physician..."_ as if to mock her. Only for it to backfire when he noticed Barry relentlessly snicker beneath the cowl of his suit.

He had a knack for finding her honest opinion adorable. She never seemed to be bothered what people thought of her because she was only stating the facts, _that's what scientists do_ , afterall. It never seized to amaze Barry how beautiful she looked when her mind was proving a point and her lips couldn't move fast enough to keep up with her train of thought. Let alone, the way his heart stopped a little everytime she'd roll her eyes when she's annoyed.

"Maybe if I vibed you, I could pinpoint the day it happens, then I wouldn't have to keep spending my twenties on a man who's already been granted free items throughout the city-" Cisco beamed, excitedly chewing on the end of his pen like a piece of red licorice as a seemingly brilliant idea popped into his head. "That's not a bad idea! Caitlin, come here!"

"No way, Cisco." She quipped. "It's more fun to see you pout."

"Hey! I thought we were friends! That's not very friendly." He pouted.

From there, the day went on. The Flash went scouring the city for new meta humans while still managing his job at CCPD, Caitlin worked on new chemical formulas to revoke meta-human abilities (maybe even her own), and Cisco, his toys, which he insists are for Team Flash to share but they all knew him too well.

And maybe that's when things started to go wrong.

Steadying her hands it would only take a matter of seconds and everything she'd been working on could suddenly end in chaos. The faulter of an unsteady touch or a tiny shift in air pressure and her life, yet again, could be in serious danger.

 _"Careful.."_ Caitlin thought to herself, scrunching her nose until the creases on her forehead appeared. Biting her lower lip until the point she'd draw blood but she never let it get that far.

She had Barry to thank for that. Him and his stupid ability to notice the little things about the people he cared about. And according to his logic, she bites her lower lip when she's readily focusing or something's bothering her, and ever since that night before her unforgettable " _Summer lovin~"_ mishap, she'd been able to catch herself before it became too much of a problem.

It was a easy task in the eyes of a former bio-engineer. In simple, all she had to do was extract an enzyme from one of her old formulas, replace it with the specialized cells from their newest meta-human, then off set it with one of the new formulas she'd been working on, and it was done. But as simple as it sounded, that's not how it was. Especially when she was going behind Cisco's back and working with her estranged mother's latest research in cryogenics, on top of running every possible test to figure out how she could reverse her very own powers.

If she could figure this out, she may just have the first step in reverse engineering a cure for all the other people whose lives have been flipped upside down by their new meta-human abilities. Her once groundbreaking research could finally have a purpose, but the world couldn't let her have it that easy. Logically speaking, with her luck, would it ever?

Cisco was always a diligent worker. Down to business, knowing the science, building new toys, sometimes accidently losing them to an evil bad guy like Snart, but never once has he made a miscalculation on the outcome of his inventions.

Typically loud noises didn't startle the young doctor, in fact, as a kid she reveled in the loud roaring of roller coasters cascading down their polished tracks whenever she visited the funfair (even if she was too scared to go on them, herself), and the over expanse of latex when her grade school science teacher filled balloons with hydrogen then set fire beneath them, oh! And when the _particle accelerator-_

 _What had gotten into him?!_

If it wasn't Caitlin's off-day, was it his? Was HR's redundantness rubbing off on the brilliant mechanical engineer without his knowledge? Did he touch something he shouldn't have and get entranced in a vibe? Or could it have been-

 _Barry Allen._

Just who he thought it was.

The scarlett speedster sped his way into the lab. Between his day job and protecting the city, it was no longer a challenge when yet another meta-human needed to be detained in the pipeline. Only, he'd think by now that _The_ Cisco Ramon wouldn't be scared when he hurled himself from the pipeline to the cortex. But even today, Cisco was still uneasy after being told the reverse flash fazed his hand through his chest in an alternate timeline. Not that he was still alive, but very clearly, it still messed with his head.

Whatever toy he'd been fixing was dropped to the floor, and in a flash of yellow lightning he was sped out of the cortex before the item exploded with a loud bang.

 _Sounds familiar.._

Since the particle accelerator exploded, when unknown matter and X elements were thrown upon the city after _a loud bang_ followed their initiation, she'd been on edge. Nobody could blame her though. The young doctor's life had flashed before her eyes (both literally and figuratively) and even after surviving 3 years with the guilt and consequences of lives lost that night, she'd think after all this time she could've controlled her reaction.

Though this was an alternate timeline, and a lot more had changed than the young doctor would've hoped, some things remained inevitable. Even for how little they seemed to be.

Through the paradox that had shifted time itself, Barry Allen always had always proved himself her hero. He'd gone with her to the pipeline so she could face her fear, had been there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, sang karaoke with her when she had too much to drink at the bar; And heck, to make matters more complicated, she'd even shared a kiss with a meta-human who'd stolen his face (not that she knew it wasn't him when it happened, though).

So maybe in truth it wasn't the noise itself that scared her, but rather the distant memory of her once promising career, the man she longed to call her husband or how her boss- whom she'd confided in during those nine months - had turned out to be the man in yellow who killed Central City's scarlet speedster's beloved mother, that she associated with that memory.

Yes, she was independent, and yes, she was in no way a damsel in distress seeking a hero in her midst, but nothing could compare to the feeling she got when he accompanied her through the tough times; His soothing voice that assured her everything would be okay, his hand on the small of her back to remind her he was right there with her, and _his promises.._ His true superpower has always been _hope_. A hope to make things right, to right the wrongs, to get justice and help those in need, but no matter the excuse, no matter how hard Barry tried to soothe her of the heartache that bestowed in her chest, it always came back at the worst of times. There were always those days that seemed to drown her further in the guilt, sometimes making it feel worse than the day it actually happened.

And with experiences with such relatability like that, Cisco _should've known_ better. Should've known the possible outcome of his actions. _He's an elite mechanic at the once world renowned S.T.A.R. Labs, for goodness' sake_. So at the very least, giving the young doctor a fair warning before starting his experiment could've helped prevent this whole situation in the first place.

* * *

Stumbling out of her seat, she could feel the chemicals reacting within her pores. Everything that could've gone wrong with her experiment, did, and even though she knew she had the ability to offset cold tissue and heal herself during, and/ or after it was over, she still fought herself on the idea of giving up that control.

Though her thoughts were on the verge of panic, the scientist within her still took charge. No, she didn't want to give up the only thing she had to keep her powers in check, but her body was screaming for help. Demanding to be heard. And in no time she'd stripped her clothes to the floor, meta-human cuffs and all, and pushed her way into the emergency decontamination shower. _Thank god it was stationed in her room,_ she thought. Maybe she didn't have the choice but to take off the meta-human cuffs she'd stolen from Cisco, but she was not about to shower where her two best friends could potentially see her.

 _Why couldn't Cisco have designed those cuffs to be waterproof?_ She asked herself. _Is that why he was looking for them? Because they're not fully designed with the latest tech? Maybe if she told him that she took them he could-_ No. She wouldn't tell him that she had them, she didn't want to explain why she needed them. She'd done one hell of a job keeping this secret to herself, and she planned on it staying that way for as long as it was possible.

She needs to pull herself out of her worries. Cisco couldn't know it was her who stole his cuffs. As far as he figured, it was HR, a con-artist in his eyes, and for now she didn't have an issue living with that lie. She normally (or at all, really) _wouldn't_ live with a lie such as that weighing her down, especially because she isn't the selfish, misogynistic killer inside her, but rather the she was terrified so what other choice did she have?

The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees. She figured it was just a draft due to the failure of installing a new heating system after F.E.M.A classified S.T.A.R. Labs as a class 4 hazardous location, but that wasn't her largest concern right now. She needed to rid herself of that chemical, get those cuffs back around her wrists, and she needed to do it _fast_.

She was thankful Cisco was oblivious his best friend had left her room, or anything had gone wrong for that matter, but it still didn't caution how she could feel herself slipping. Losing control of her powers could happen in the blink of an eye, and it was only a matter of minutes until the killer inside her would be forcing her way to the surface.

When she first discovered her powers she'd been in full control of them, save for the time she had to replace her shower because she'd frozen it as well as her pipes, but as time went on and the stronger her powers became, the more she feared she'd soon become one with her icy earth-2 counterpart.

Her fate had never worked out. First, she lost Ronnie; Second, she lost her job; Third, she got kidnapped; Fourth, Killer Frost almost killed her (how ironic); Then last but not least, Barry created Flashpoint and flipped her life upside down- _and flipped her life upside down.._ She always wondered what her life was like in that other timeline.

Would she have eventually developed powers like she did just 3 months after Flashpoint? Was Ronnie alive in said timeline? Did she talk to her mother more than she did now- _No_ , that wouldn't have been possible. If her mother was cold even in a parallel universe, no timeline could change that either; But would she have gotten the family she'd always wanted? A little girl, maybe boy, and a husband to wake up to? What did Barry mean when he told her she was the _only one_ who wasn't _that_ affected when he changed the timeline?

She wished she had the answers, but as for now they really didn't matter. She raked her nails through her hair and rinsed the rest of the disinfectant soap from her pores. Thank god she hadn't frozen the shower like she had before, it was a challenge talking to the repair man about it previously, but explaining it to Cisco, a man who knows his way around cryogenics and meta human abilities, now that would've been an absolute nightmare. Let alone a dead give away she had powers.

She wrapped herself with the nearest towel. Her body was cold, lips blue. For how hot she'd run the water you'd have expected to see some burns, but that wasnt the case. She exhaled a breath of relief, for comfort, only for the droplets of water cascading across her lips to crystallize one by one. Her eyes were already transitioning white when the young doctor saw herself in the reflection of her mirror. Resisting, she still had the strength to power through the struggle and hastily shifted them back to brown, but it was only a matter of time until that panic in the pit of her stomach consumed her with a relentless force. She could always grab a pair of sunglasses to hide the icy tint in her eyes, but having hair bleached as white as snow, _well,_ that was something she definitely couldn't hide.

Having rushed out of the cortex, the scarlet speedster hadn't forgot about his beloved (professionally speaking of course) young doctor in the other room. Yes, he'd only had enough time to tear Cisco and himself out of the vicinity of the explosion because otherwise he'd have run the risk of injuring both of his closest friends, but she was protected behind the bullet proof glass in her own lab, right? The damage hadn't really been all that bad. Just a couple broken trinkets, scattered papers, a computer that needed to be replaced, on top of the scattered shards glass from broken picture frames on the ground but that wasn't the main objective he re-entered the cortex for. He could clean up that mess later. For now, he had to check on _his_ personal physician. After all, that's what _friends_ do.

It was getting bad. Streaks of her hair were bleaching white and if she took scissors to it any more she wasn't sure she'd have any hair left (not actually, but still). She'd gotten dressed, of course, but frost still snaked over the seams of where her hands had brushed out the wrinkles in her clothes. She _had_ control over it. She _could_ still control it. But the longer she went without those stupid cuffs, the harder she had to pry herself into believing that statement to be true.

While Cisco had stayed outside the lab, cursing himself for letting a non-existent memory screw with his work, Barry searched frantically for his beloved doctor but found her to no avail. _Was there another extra room in star labs he didn't know about? First it was the speed lab, but now what?_ His feet were burning with friction. The suit he wore prevented that, but there was no time to change when he'd _just_ seen the young doctor and now she was nowhere to be found.

The sound of shattering glass was what caught his attention. _So there was another room in star labs he hadn't known about._ Following the sound he sped into her lab, only to find the remnant of a chemical reaction gone wrong which left him feeling frantic.

"Caitlin?!" He called out, nearing the dark coloured door where he could hear the sounds of shuffling feet behind it. "Cait, it's Barry, are you in there?"

 _Dammit,_ she thought to herself; _What else could possibly go wrong?_ She'd picked up her cuffs to place them back around her wrists and they'd frozen beneath the pads of her fingers. Shattering to pieces when her hands grabbed a hold of them. So not only were they not waterproof, but they also couldn't resist the abilities of a meta-human unless they're locked around their wrists? _Nice thinking, Cisco._ Maybe if she acted like she was okay, she'd be okay, but that was only a game she could play in her head. This was real life. Her life. And reality came crashing back at her feet when a new wave of panic surged through her body as she heard Barry's voice on the opposite side of the door.

Not only had Cisco been the one to tell Caitlin about her frosty earth-2 doppelgänger, but he'd also been the one to tell her the tale of when Barry had been pitted off in a menacing duel against her frosty doppelgänger when he'd breached to a parallel universe to seek out Zoom.

Yes, the Killer Frost of earth-2 was well beyond repair, but Barry never let himself believe that. He'd always been able to see the fire encased under all that ice, the potential hero within the villain she was, the Caitlin Snow he knew and _loved_ (even if it wasn't his Caitlin) and it just terrified her to think what his reaction may be when he finds out his best friend has those exact same powers now too.

Taking a step away from the door, she managed a small, "I'm okay, Barry." Only to realize a second after she said that, that wasn't at all what he'd asked her.

The scarlet speedster hesitated. _That wasn't the question he'd asked, was it?_ Not that he minded knowing she was indeed okay, truth be told he needed to hear those words, but having the answer for a question he'd yet to ask left him with an unwelcome feeling.

"I.. I mean-" _Just spit it out, Caitlin._ All she had to say was she needed his help, say she needed his reassurance, say she needed _him._ But the only words that came out of her mouth was his name, and to make matters worse it was drown beneath the muffled sound of sobbing as well.

 _"B.. Barry-"_ He hadn't hesitated to faze through the door, whether she'd been indecent or not the sound of her voice concerned him.

If her powers were unstable before, God only knows how bad they'll be when she's crying, when she's given up control over her scientific mind and let her feelings get the best of her. On top of that, she was shivering, but this time it wasn't because of her powers. After all, she was still human; Exposed to an experimental chemical, still having yet initiated her self-regeneration to rid herself of the chemicals still reacting with her on a molecular level.

Maybe it wasn't an ethical choice to let Barry in the same room she was, but she didn't have a choice, whether that be his fault or not, especially if she wished to get help.

"Oh my God, Caitlin!" He rushed to her side. She was sweating, shivering, all he wanted was to envelope her in a warm embrace and lead her out of said room to the medical bay where she could guide him on how to treat her, but she refused.

 _"Wait."_ She advised. Her hands her were tracing back and forth across themselves while she stood there nervously attempting to control her powers. It was bad enough she had no way to surpress them, let alone keep him safe from whatever chemical that was still affecting her. " _You_ have to be careful, there could still be trace amounts of chemical left on my skin. I don't want _you_ getting hurt."

Whether she was feeling well enough of not, she could've seen it coming from a mile away, so it was no surprise to her when that charming young science nerd hadn't listened to a word she'd said. _Did he ever?_ She questioned. His actions were always so meticulous and planned out, after all, he had more time to think about things due to his warped sense of reality. But even so, his next moves came as a surprise even the fastest man alive, the one in control of his own being, himself.

He felt the urge to pull her in close to his chest, feel her heart beat against his, something inside of him was pleading for her contact and he couldn't pinpoint just what part of him that was. He felt the swell of guilt building up within the lining of his stomach and couldn't help but blame himself for why she was in this mess in the first place. _If I was fast enough I could've saved you both-_

 _"Barry.. don't.."_

Her thoughts were immediately replaced by the heartache she could sense within him. She knew him more than a personal physician should. The way his mind worked, how he blamed himself when he wasn't fast enough to save everybody in his path, _the curve of his muscles-_

That was beside the point

Unlike some people, his hugs weren't rough, quick, or hard to hold onto, rather they were soft, needy, and full of emotion just waiting to be spilled. She couldn't tell if it was the chemical burns, the frostbite nipping as her pores, or simply the fact he was touching her in such a way she felt like she was melting right between his arms. Their hugs usually last longer than deemed 'friendly', but did it really matter when the both of them were hurting and needed the comfort? Whatever people wanted to call it, she just didn't want it to end as fast as it had occurred.

His face was nestled against her neck when he finally decided to speak up, "I know, I know you don't want me to be upset, but I promised I'd never let anything or anybody ever hurt you again, and I failed. Now look at you, you're in pain and it's all my fault. _I don't know_ what to do - _I don't know_ how to help."

She admired the way he worked himself up over the small things about her, because it showed he truly cared, but he wasn't a doctor. Even if his vibrant green orbs seemed to be a drug of their own, he really couldn't help her the way she needed to be treated, _could he?_ Maybe with the chemicals, yes, but issue and solution, that was already under control. What she needed help with now was her powers, _but_ _how would be react if he found out she was just like her doppelgänger?_ She'd already had this argument in her head, so she faintly whispered, "Take me home."

"Take you home?"

She couldn't bare to stand by and see that puppy dog look on his face any longer. It wasn't that she hated it, because she didn't, rather she found it adorable and just wanted to kiss him until his worries went away, but if she lost herself in her feelings anymore she may just end up doing something stupid she'll more then regret later.

" _Please._ I'll be okay, Barry, I just need some rest. _I promise you there's nothing to worry about_."

She hated herself for lying to the young man. Hell, he had no reason not to believe every word she said, but there was no way she was ending this day without losing full control and she needed him as far away from her as possible before that happened.

With a flash of orange and yellow lightning they were already at the front door of her apartment. Carefully, he fazed his hand at the lock and eased the door to her apartment open, guiding her inside, where he lead her to her bedroom to get changed.

It hadn't even been twenty minutes, but she had to do what she had to do. After Barry fashioned her a hot chocolate and turned on her favourite Netflix series to watch, she'd ushered him out of the house with a diligent hug of appreciation and a stern warning not to get injured while she's resting at home.

Her hands could suture his skin together over and over again, but she wasn't sure her heart could take anymore of the strain. She cared about him way too much not to sympathize with his pain when he got injured, it was hard enough falling in love with a man who'd been pining over his bestfriend since before he knew what the word love meant, but even now, when he'd moved on, it hadn't gotten any easier.

The second he'd left she hadn't realized how much she needed him. Not in a romantic, _I love you - Please done leave me,_ kind of way (even if she did think that had something to do with it), but in a way that hadn't donned on her until he left and she depended upon his kinetic energy to keep her powers in check more then ever.

After all, his energy created heat, and that was one of the few things she needed to keep her powers from going unrestrained.

* * *

But now, here she was, standing below the foggy street lights and chains of lightning that seemed to drown her sorrows amongst the stark night sky

The rain clattered against the pavement like the heavens were sympathizing with her. _But why would they?_ She questioned. _Who would ever sympathize with a cold hearted killer like herself?_ _A misfortuned widow onerously trying to deal with two personalities?_ She just didn't see the logic in that.

In the distance she noticed a yellow blur. She couldn't tell if it was just another streak of lightning or that dreaded scarlet speedster. For the name he wore, his colour scheme didnt seem to make any sense.

 _Just like being called central city's hero_ , a part of her thought.

The killer inside her wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted that speedster away from her so Caitlin Snow never had the chance to resurface. Just the thought of him was enough to make her blood boil with an uncontrolled rage. Even though the better part of her had feelings for him, just like any other time she felt at ease, or happy for that matter, it was only a matter of time until it was all taken away.

Killer Frost _wanted him dead_ , but Caitlin Snow _couldn't live without him_.

After Barry left Caitlin's apartment, the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach had returned. The only other time he felt it was when Caitlin had been kidnapped and Cisco had vibed to see if she was alright, only to tell him Zoom had murdered her doppelgänger as a cold blooded attempt to earn some sort of dominance over her.

Just the memory of it made him sick.

She wasn't _his_ Caitlin, but she was still _a_ Caitlin, and it pained him not to know the reason why that feeling had returned.

He'd gone straight home after that. Picked up a hot chocolate of his own, and turned his TV on to finish one of his many Netflix series, but why couldn't he have guessed it would be no use? It made him laugh at how similar they were with the most basic parts of their lives, but just like he had thought, it wasn't long until Cisco grabbed his attention with his new state-of-the-art meta-human alert app.

He'd only gotten four episodes into Dragon Ball Z, and now he was pacing frantically back and forth in the cortex, without a clue on how to help the girl he harboured feelings for.

Cisco had been cleaning out her lab when he came across his shattered cuffs, only to observe the panicked finger prints of frost around them, then to vibe her in the future when he laid hands on them.

It was getting dark and they were losing time. In less then five minutes the future Cisco invisioned for his best friend would come true, but wasn't it was too late already?

An aching frost already snaked from her veins, coating her hands in a mist capable of stealing the life within others.

Fast approaching was the city's infamous hero (as seen from the eyes of Killer Frost), except even at his fastest speed he knew sure as hell he wouldn't make it in enough time.

That's when it _struck_ him.

Not the lightning reigning down from the sky, but all the memories they'd stitched together in the fabric of time. All the times they made each other laugh and smile, the way she scolded him but smiled once he left the room, how he would always tease her by playing hide and go seek using his super speed in the cortex, the games they played early in the morning when nobody else was around.

It gave him a reason not to hold back.

He was running faster than he ever had. White sparks flared through the cascading trails of yellow and orange behind him. He'd never run this fast even with the stolen tachyon device from Eobard Thawne, but if this is what it felt like to live up to his name - to live up to the promise he made to keep her safe - then he would do whatever it takes.

Air couldn't move out of his way fast enough. He felt as if his clothes would catch fire, his feet were throbbing from the friction generated at such a high velocity, but he could do it. He could make it. The faster he ran, the harder he'd fall if his timing fell short, but he had a one track mind, and currently, anybody could guess what was on it.

Or rather, _who_ was on it.

It had always been Caitlin. Even when he had a crush on Iris, it'd always been her. One day he'd even made a stupid Flash related pick-up line just to see her smile. Petty, right? But it made her laugh. Despite the cheesiness of, _Are you sure you're not the fastest woman alive? Because only a speedster could race through my mind like that all day,_ he knew she found it rather charming. Even if the young doctor just swatted him outside the head as a reaction.

They understood each other more then they let on. It didn't take a genius to figure out she must be terrified, and it pained him to see the woman he loved fighting her way through such an unfair battle. _Why hadn't she told them? Him?_ He asked himself. _Did she think I_ _would hate her because I fought Killer-_

His breath hitched in the back of his throat. Swimming though his mind were the thoughts that Caitlin figured he would hate her all because of her icy powers, and it stung. He could sense the tears that were already crystalizing on her cheeks even before he approached her. How hard she must've cried when he left her alone in her apartment, even if she'd ushered him out to begin with.

He couldn't bare to think of them accumulating any longer when all he wanted to do was to bring her _home_. _Home_ where it was _safe_ , where he could _hold her_ in his arms, where he could scream at the universe _to stop abusing her_ like it had been.

When he finally came close enough, his assumption was correct that she'd been and still was crying. She was sobbing and she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of this, yet the world still tied threads around being and mind, and treated her like a puppet without emotions.

Frost coated the road in a sheet of black ice. It wasn't her fault, he knew that, it was the powers taking dominance over her mind and she couldn't help it, but Barry still stumbled to the ground shredding the suit beneath his left shoulder - where he'd surely need stitching later - but he persisted.

Streamlining from her palms, there was hesitation in the way she moved, but ice still shot towards him. It was clear to him what persona had the most control, but that moment of weakness, hesitation, was all he needed to reassure himself Caitlin was still in there. That he could still get through to her.

"Caitlin, don't do this." He pleaded.

Weakened, his body convusled with frost. Even with the powers he maintained he found it hard to do the simplest of tasks, but like a young doctor once told him, _with or without your speed, you're still you,_ she was still correct.

Moving faster than the speed of sound wasn't what made him a hero. He was a hero long before he was struck by lightning. His hope always lead him in the right direction, it's what got him through the heartache of losing his mom at age 11, how he found his mother's real killer so he could release his dad from prison, and what he still uses to persevere.

Comprehension donned on him, _If she was scared she wouldn't want to fight him._ He gave her an apologetic look and stopped trying. A smile surfaced on his face, and worry sank to the pit of her stomach. He wore his heart on his sleeve and giving up control like this could be detrimental to his health, and healing, but he was always one step ahead.

Caitlin didn't know what she'd done. Barry was a fighter, the scarlet speedster, the crimson comet, the guy she liked more than just a- _He should_ _be standing back up!_ Her stomach sank further down. She didn't want to kill him, she didn't want any of this, and it scared her to death he'd not chosen to be resilient enough to get up and fight her again. At least then, even if she hated it, she knew he was alright and hadn't killed him.

 _And hadn't killed him_.

The longer he chose to abandon his powers, the faster hypothermia would set in.

His plan was working, riding perfectly along with schedule, but it wasn't flawless.

He really hoped he was able to get through to her soon, because he wasn't sure how much more time he had left if he persisted with things the way they were going.

And then she dropped to her knees beside him.

She places her hands across his chest to begin compressions, holds her fingers to his neck to check for a heartbeat, and warms his heart with a smile when he starts shivering uncontrollably. She holds him up steady when he's able to sit on his own, and she clutches to his suit, afraid she might lose control again, but she doesn't; Instead he vibrates until his complexion turns back from blue, and in the midst of the storm above their heads he presses a kiss to her lips, telling her, "Caitlin, I have loved you since the day I laid eyes on you, I'll take you with your fears, your baggage, because I am never letting you go again," but she silences him with another kiss as she returns his gesture with, "I swear to god I'll kill you if you almost die for me again," and she wonders how long it will last until she loses control and Killer Frost makes her appearance again... But the thought doesn't resonate in her mind for long. She doesn't want to think anymore; she just wants to be close to him, the same way he wants to be close to her, so they hold onto each other an bury themselves in each other's necks, breathing each other in.

For the first time in a while, she feels warm and safe; He feels complete with her in her arms, and they find their way _home_ within each other.

* * *

The End


	2. Find me Broken

AU Prompt: Barry doesn't Survive

[Self-Harm Mention x Grief]

* * *

"Why isn't he waking up?! Barry! BARRY!"

"Caitlin-"

"BARRY PLEASE WAKE UP! P-PLEASE!"

"Caitlin he's gone."

"NO! Cisco you do _NOT_ get to make that decision! He is _not_ dead- He _can't_ be Dead- Cisco.. Cisco _please_.."

She felt so cold. It was the third time she'd lost someone. She missed his emerald orbs. The ones that tracked hers down and laid soft kisses on her lips. The ones that could break down her walls and see the pain she stored away behind it. The ones that made her heart ache worse than the first and second time she'd lost her fiancé, Ronnie Raymond. She felt cold inside, everything was changing, she wanted nothing more then to curl up into a ball and recede back to a place even her deepest thoughts couldn't reach her.

Dr. Caitlin Snow, was a woman, who'd been broken beyond repair but healed by the ones she loved, but her grief was even more crippling as the days went on. She didn't realize the real affect it had on her body, on her skin, or anything really. The only thing on her mind was Barry, and how she was never going to see him again.

It wasn't until one day that she noticed a discolouration in her eyes, the flush of her cheeks, that she began to worry for herself. Her chocolate brown eyes were outlined with a hazy yellow, her rosy red cheeks diminished to an anemic reaction. She needed to eat, get out of her apartment, but she just couldn't conjure up the will to do it. Not with the way she was feeling and the over exertion of energy it'd already taken to stand.

Soon she noticed the rest of her skin had changed from its creamy light tan, to a downright sickly pale.

Her brain connected the dots; She was a doctor, she knew what was going on with her body, but the fear that twisted her stomach into knots was dormant in comparison to her mental health.

She reached for thermometer in the cupboard behind the bathroom mirror she'd found her previous focus on, but lost all balance in the process.

After what felt like forever, she finally pulled her weight from the counter and took a deep breath.

 _...In.. ...Out.._

She fell against her bathroom wall, unable to keep herself on her feet, fear consumed her and her stomach sunk to the floor, aggravated and hungry after not being fed for the past 6 days.

She looked up and saw spots- Could she be reunited with Barry? If she kept this up?

She contemplated on what she could do next, she was far too sick, as the scientist inside her could tell, which lead her to begin thinking about any and all of Barry and her's memories in general. In public she'd be considered depressed and stripped of self worth when in truth she was well beyond that point. Caitlin admitted to herself she had a problem, that she wasn't to be blamed for the failure to restart Barry's heart, that she tried her best but it just wasn't good enough, that he died, or rather the speed force sent him to a heaven all of his own making, but she still thinks it's all her fault.

She never liked working at S.T.A.R Labs, it was really nice and packed with all the latest technology, but after she'd lost her Fiancé twice maybe she should've taken the hint to stay away from such a place of heartbreak. She tried her best to avoid working there after the particle accelerator explosion but a certain coma patient had kept her rooted in that very place she was trying to escape from. For as much as she wanted to get up and leave, she felt responsible for him, like she had to save him, as if it would relieve the guilt she felt for the death of her fiancé.

But that was never the case; Given the time and friendship Barry Allen provided her throughout the years, she'd grown to know him, learned to forgive herself, that it wasn't her fault no matter if she helped design the technology or not. She knew there were risks, that an explosion was a possibility, but none of that was ever in her control. Her favourite memory was the night he'd taken her out to go karaoke singing at a bar, where she started a tab, sang off key, and given a kiss to the man she didn't know would soon be her second half.

She wondered if she hadn't kissed him that night... maybe he'd still be alive-

If was then that she snapped back to her senses and realized the danger she was in, she had no help, no Barry, no nothing, and she was scared. She curled her knees against her chest, head leaning against the bathroom wall, growing smaller as she rebuilt the walls around her, hoping she'd find help soon.

Something that would help her, someone that would help her, something that would keep her sane, someone she could talk to to not get over Barry, but come to terms with his passing without killing herself in the process.

She never even noticed Cisco break into her apartment and grab a towel to clot the blood around her wrists, a dustpan to clean up a bottle of spilt pills at the base of her feet, and his hands against her sternum to restart his best friend's heart.

* * *

The End


	3. This isn't Happening

AU Prompt: Age Reversal

[SkyHigh Inspired]

Writing in progress.. Leave a request in the comments and I'll make sure to take note of it!


End file.
